Lohla Ramona : Official Buzznet

fuck you, i dont kiss anyones ass.

i dont have to prove myself to you, i dont have to justify the things i do. i have nothing to prove. i can be what i want and what i want to be is what i am. and i DON'T have to spell out for you whatever that is. it is not yours to have delivered into your lap in exchange for your harrassment.

im never never never going to do what you want me to do. i refuse to live the life you want me to.

fuck you for pouting and bitching and whining about things that have nothing to do with you.

me living shouldn't hurt you that much.

it just proves that your dissatisfied with yourself, your life, your mirror.

attacking me from under the veil? how blind do you think i am?

shut your mouth and come back when you've learned how to fucking smile, or you've gotten rid of your ignorance or at least just become worth someones time.

love you (because clearly SOMEONE needs to),

lohla xx

but only this song

i find it pretty hilarious how everyone thinks theyre so indie for having this ONE song [and, like, time to pretend by mgmt] on their ipods and two ~*quirky*~ outfits from urban outfitters and a twitter they never post on.

anyway, this made me laugh:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBYGownvocw

to post a good journal this week, ohkay?!

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

apparently i highly resemble jsimps and beyonce ' they only keep saying brody dalle because of all the lipstick xD
also do you love how it knows i'm half indian???! aish and biphasa xD

Im so much younger than i think i am hahahah this happens to me every year.

ANYWAYYYY y'all are getting a LONG BLOG tonight or tomorrow morning about my AMAZING experience this week

hint: im sticky with champagne its okay its my birthday xD

i'm catwalking my way out of this town.
is that my problem?
i'm drinking my ass up outta this town.
you got a problem?
you told me that you wouldn't let me down.
on my back, yeah there's a problem.
i can't promise i wont get you up.
helpless, that makes me a problem.
dreading the day you leave town.
well no one's saying baby look how far you've come.
darling look how hard you've won.
can't help but wonder why no one can say this shit to me, why no one explains it to me.
why they all pray for me.
am i the only one whose problems touch the sky anymore?

Put your gloves up and defend yourself.

You gotta stop shooting, start living,

gotta learn

that

you don't get time between minutes

to perfect your

pose when you

freeze a frame you don't

get to move.

 

my stomach must be bottomless tonight,

you must be a doctor, removing the bottom

because there is no pit for once.

so let's mosh, alright?

there's no stopping me from keeping you from stopping me tonight.

Wind versus water, not quite teamwork

is what makes perfection in a storm

With her one white eye rolling

like two fingers kissing.

Like the whole world missing

The way you used to be able to function

But you can't work in conjunction

Snow blinds even if its just a reflection

Your minds blurring over all the corrections

that they find because everythings wrong, everythings wrong, everythings wrong.

Dont you miss it when her hair was long?

Wish Walt Disney wrote your fucking song?

Maybe then I wouldnt be the backup dancer, camoflauged

Supporting actress, constantly massaged

By the promise of her light finally turning lime

So she doesnt have to be the fucking mime.

Its my time, think I can turn tables without spilling the wine?

Therapists

You leave space between therapists and

they just become the rapists

of every perception and thought.

They always want to assist

but you just barely subsist.

how many calories in a lie, bitch, cos you're just stuffing them down your throat?

Read every word that I wrote and

Slip it in your winter coat

how many times in a day you gonna get high, kid?

how many times you tell her "you're mine"?

how are you ever gonna get by?

pigs can't fly and you hate wearing ties?

and even though there's no knot, your smooth talkings currency

you've got her bought.

how many calories are in that anyway?

dumb bitch keeps stuffing it down her throat and

read every word that i wrote

and slip it in your winter coat.

So that outside, it's a close warning

And stop worrying about if you'll wake up the next morning.

The coffee cups and beds still get made

And most people working eventually get paid

And even the nerds will one day get laid

So chill the fuck out, man, you're still just a teen

You got two eyes, a mouth, a heart a liver a spleen.

And when worst comes to worst, hey, you still got me.

Screw the pills take my hand one day we're gonna get free.

 

 

 

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else. To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow the realization I can't control another. To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself. To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about. To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive. To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To "let go" is not to be in the middle of arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies. To "let go" is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality. To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept. To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings & to correct them. To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, & to cherish myself in it. To "let go" is not to criticize & regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be. To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow & to live for the future. To "let go" is to fear less & to love more.

 

author unknown

buzznet, uda fucking BEST.

im going through withdrawal. we dont talk about [;

the past two days have been mildly halarious. i corrupted a little girl talking about penises. and corrupted a big girl...well, we don't talk about that either.

oh and onion rings get soggy in the new jersey humidity.

also don't not eat and go to a small town. if you puke or pass out nobody laughs with you xD

So from the link i gave you in my last journal theres a test that measures your facial features and uses it to determine your personality along with a few questions.
they said my most prominent feature was my lower lip andddd they described me like this:
trait snapshot:

messy, tough, disorganized, fearless, not rule conscious, likes the unknown, rarely worries, rash, attracted to the counter culture, rarely irritated, positive, resilient, abstract, not a perfectionist, risk taker, strange, weird, self reliant, leisurely, dangerous, anti-authority, trusting, optimistic, positive, thrill seeker, likes bizarre things, sarcastic

it's kind of accurate =P

this site has a whole bunch of personality tests:

http://similarminds.com/personality_tests.html

heres the one i took & am sharing my results with here:

http://similarminds.com/global-adv.html

according to my answers, i'm prone to these traits: [bolding mine]

Mystical

feels pulled to the symbolic, archetypal, and mysterious; likes to look weird, believes in extra sensory perception, lives an experimental life, frequently reinvents self, more abstract than logical, more likely to be a trauma survivor, looks for hidden meaning, attracted to weirdness, different, off beat, unpredictable, more solitary, focus on fantasies more than reality, drawn to artistic and cutting edge industries, bohemian, prefers autonomy, erotic, charmer, insightful, prefers strange clothing Artistic drawn to artistic and cutting edge industries, drawn to careers where creativity is a solitary pursuit, more abstract than concrete, original, appreciates beauty, ideal love seeking, intense, imaginative, introspective, likes indie rock music, prone to an interest in acting, likes art house movies, self expressive, likes to look wierd, pulled to the symbolic and mysterious, likes to perform, prone to keeping a journal, attracted to the counter culture, interested in journalism, odd, trend setter, different, lives an experimental life, prefers shopping at organic markets, attracted to wierdness, more likely to be vegetarian, dislikes the ordinary and non dramatic, feels both special and defective

[omg "more likely to be vegetarian" made me lol. quite a bit.]

 

Hedonism ...you know what i'm not going to bold some of these. xD

willing to break the law if the monetary benefit is great enough, likes tattoos, likes strip clubs, prone to substance abuse, prone to shoplifting, thinks marijuana should be legalized, not opposed to breaking laws, promiscuous, prone to cheat in relationships, kinky, likes to dress provocatively, believes pleasure should play a central role in life, can be crude, believes religion is foolish, does not worry about consequences of actions, addictive tendencies, more a night person than a day person, erotic, more likely to have been on anti-depressants, gets attention through negative behavior, reckless with money, prone to nihilism, unpredicable, self destructive Adventurousness does not worry about consequences, tends to do dangerous things without adequate precautions, always seeking new challenges, unpredictable, lives for pleasure, loves physical exertion, loves to test their strength, more desire than fear, loves night life and crowds, adrenaline junkie, impulsive, enjoys fighting, open to pretty much anything, believes that fun is the most important thing in life, loves to exercise, not opposed to breaking laws, prefers the unfamiliar to the familiar, prefers autonomy, likes to perform, ambitious, uninhibited, likes camping, erotic, likes to lead, most people think they are crazy, remains calm when others panic, cannot sit still, has an all or nothing personality, self promoting, risk taker, brave, likes to be different Avoidant [i found this one slightly interesting] loner, limits social interaction because it's draining, does not express emotions easily, shy, does not like most people, does not think most people like them, nothing really pleases them, prefers to dress down (hide attractiveness), considered wierd by others, values personal privacy above personal relationships, feels dejected and better off alone, neglects self, has low self esteem issues, can't find meaning in life, seeks wholeness through isolation, hard to get to know, emotionally numb, even in a relationship they desire a sense of seperateness, thinks life is overrated, would rather be alone then risk rejection, thinks people would not like them if they really knew them, feels like an outsider, afraid to show it when they like some one, aversion to physical contact, somewhat asexual, prone to shame, existentially depressed, prone to focus on suffering, bitter, does not like happy people, poor self image, anhedonic Individuality believes they are very odd, likes to behave and or dress in a shocking manner, drawn to artistic and cutting edge industries, wants to be as independent from society as possible, likes to look wierd, self expressive, most people think they are crazy, desires autonomy / complete freedom, frequently reinvents self, unpredictable, more random than controlled, drawn to careers where creativity is a solitary pursuit, more abstract than concrete, grew up feeling that they had to stand out to be happy, attracted to the counter culture, dissatisfied with the ordinary and non dramatic, pursues the extroadinary and intense, prefers wierd friends, thinks they are a trend setter, lives an experimental life, driven by curiousity, reckless, novelty seeking, fond of anarchy, bohemian, feels like they lose a sense of self when the agree with people Histrionic strong need for applause, gets angry and frustrated if they don't get what they want, likes to be popular, believes winning is no fun unless people know you won, desires more attention, competes for the spotlight, grew up feeling they had to stand out to be happy, gets attention through negative behavior, self absorbed, frequently feels envious, likes to manipulate others, superficial, tends to become involved with people quickly, feels best when admired, wants things done their way, used to getting their way, uses their looks to get what they want, quick tempered, impulsive, vain, loves to win awards, performer, entertainer, pleasure seeking, swayed by emotions, prefers instant gratification, self promoting, believes in success through appearances, wealth seeking Vanity [this one is so embarrassing bahahahah] uses looks to get what they want, arrogant, self-absorbed, believes they can get what they want because of how they look, believes in success through appearances, cares about how they look to others, believes looking good is more important than comfort, feels best when others find them physically attractive, believes other people are envious of them, superficial, feels best when admired, attentive to appearance, spends a lot of time thinking about what is attractive, feels they are better looking than most people, competes for the spotlight, self promoting, feels both superior and defective, likes to manipulate others, seductive, likes to be popular, used to getting their way, reckless with money, wealth seeking, does things primarilly for the benefit of themself, does not like to be friends with people who are physically unattractive, tends to wear tight fitting clothing if female, desires more attention, assumes most people like them

 

 

 

with most of these i either highly agreed or really, really disagreed. found that a little interesting.

 

these tests are so inaccurate though because you answer them yourself. so it's really "according to myself these are what i think my test results should look like". its just how you perceive yourself. so, according to lohla, lohla's a vain, highly individual artistic hedonist with avoidant tendencies? hm.

 

Also, i found that personality test here. this is one of the most terrifying livejournals i've ever retrospectively sifted through:

http://kristi4.livejournal.com/

so i just got back from a spontaneous trip to maine. yeah i know...when i tell people that the reaction is "what the FUCK is in maine??"

dont ask...not my idea. lmao

anyway i literally mean i just got back. im sitting at the computer with a twitch in my eye & a buzzing brain.

my phone broke earlier this week. not really broke just stopped working. its been really really hard to stay in touch with the people i dont see every day. i havent talked to some people in weeks. & then there are the people who have suddenly reappeared in my life. isnt that the way it always goes?

i also lost my camera charger -again- so ive only been taking pictures with a disposable camera but im rationing them [= so theyre not developed yet

eclipses are lovely & sucky at the same time. nothing terribly awful happened to me with either ones we've had this july, in fact, good happened. however something always FEELS like loss. its just my brain fucking with me. paranoia paranoia paranoia.

my air wants to scuttle over to your lungs.

when your bones start rattling and you look like a doll that no one remembered wound up, call me.

if i get contagious, i swear i'll make em quarantine me.

there are three specific days in my life i can safely say i wish i could change.
they're very exact ones.
i found two old pictures lurking in a folder they didn't belong it that reminded me exactly what they were.
it's not even regret as much as me being sorry because i didnt just change me.
im saying this now because it's finally behind me. none of it hurts anymore. i'm ninety nine percent healed, and the last percent is the part that needs to record this, right now.
the part that needs to record this as living proof for those who come after me that it ENDS UP OKAY. spoiler alert, you're gonna be fine. but i guess your heart racings a good thing, at least its beating

atlantic city was too short, and ended weirdly. psychics don't usually make me cry. psychics don't usually scare the shit out of me like that. THAT much.

i cant wear rings anymore, they break too much.

do you ever do this? do you ever do that? tell me, are you anything like me at all?

i'm so funny when i write blogs on no sleep ;D

in a while, croc.

xoxoxoxoxxxx.

okay so i know this might seem late to comment on now, but i figure, hey, might as well blog now since i was traveling on that day.

i thought i was over the whole michael jackson thing, thought it was time to close the discussion and continue by remembering him fondly..

but watching his memorial today...

ive always thought his whole story was fascinating and tragic, but never really felt an impact on an emotional level until his daughter paris made her speech today.

not gonna lie, i fully teared up. embarrassing as that is, i'm not ashamed. i felt so awful for his family, and the kids. i think this piece of al sharpton's speech - well, they're probably the truest words spoken about michael jackson:

 "There was nothing strange about your daddy. It was strange what your daddy had to deal with, but he dealt with it."

i agree completely, and that's why i have immense respect for this man and musician.

as a fan of his brilliant music, i'd mostly thought of his death as sad for the loss of an icon & the greatest entertainer of our time. of course you always recognize the personal, human level of any loss, but today it just sort of hit home.

thought i'd give my two cents.

RIP mj. <3

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNYo9q6Lfes

 

 

Am I the only one who remembers this?

 

http://1.media.tumblr.com/GkCGfBpsHovo3aefhysK8x9Ho1_500.jpg

 

And this

i'm just looking back on oh six again for stupid reasons, i know i know [;

never posted this from a few months ago, but i sort of love it, its still a little relevant

 

Some moments are perfect, but that doesn't mean they're good
You feel anything but,
And it is.
The trail of death that is my hair
Whipping and lashing the passing air
For pain or pleasure, as if I could care
As if I could tell them apart. It scares
me how I could see this moment's so right,
when no one should feel this way, this bad. It's because it's so wrong.
it's so perfectly wrong
The satisfaction of it all aligning:
three sad arcs slashing three kin chins
three sad notes forming one chord
three tears racing down the plane of a face, the pane of a window
the pain of a heart.
Three wrongs that make a right. So are they just lefts?
I've been left, and have left,
Only to file my lack
Of hope as a theft, though
I always meant to return, not to let go
Forever. So this hurts, and I'm hit,
but this is just as much a mess as a miss.
Film directors would kill for a script like this
but the accusations and wails and demands and the need to understand
how things could be so wrong,

so perfectly wrong
are unplanned.
Life is improvised, man.
And of the unexpected I still am a fan.
And no melody, on its first shot, is a song.
So I guess that no right ever was without wrong
The car runs, but like a coward or a fugitive?
I'm riding shotgun and wishing I had one,
where I've put shades that dont protect me from sun
Nothing can protect me from what I and we've done
"but thats what i wanted" is understated absurdity.
So this moment is perfect, cut and print quality
As good as can be coming from a monstrosity

 

so lets do it like they do on the discoveryyyy channnelll.

im the only person i know who can manage to get cuts bruises and random injuries all over themselves going to a DANCE CLUB. 

so moshhh.

walked in with a bag full of mickey d's and walked out with shady cuts of winehouse proportions.

yusssir goodtimes.

 

lalalalalalalalalala im exhaustedddd & have some business to take care of

Loveyou innernet ^^

 

xo loh loh shake it to the groun ground

i wrote this for school, hahah. 

 

I’m five six years old

and I’m fifteen feet tall

and I weigh Lohla pounds

and my name is ninety.

I’m sorry, but you trip when you think fast, when you walk on tipped feet.

Did you catch that? Well, the floor’ll catch me.

My friend, unlike the sky where I come from, if New Jersey’s a dream.

If that house is a nightmare.

Just like my outfit.

I’m sorry my dress matches my tights about as much as my hair matches nature.

I get why that bothers you. Humans are naturally attracted to the natural.

Maybe I am a Martian after all, maybe that’s why 

these numbers, names, words, mean nothing to me. A little teapot on a flying saucer.

 

So it’s difficult to talk the normal talk

When the pen is doing its runway walk.

 

Since there’s no snow on Mars,

I don’t wonder how it sashays, not trudges

through the snow white canvas,

leaving footprints, unsmudged.

It’s because it’s in my hands.

As is this paper,

this page or two.

Dear instructor, 

for me,

your point is moot.

For any page I write, 

it’s true

That it would come

straight “out of you”. 

whaddup whaddup innernet? its time for a JOURNAL!!! :D :D :D

lemme recap the unfortunate chain of events:

1] Lohlie gets kicked out of house

2] Lohlie, in her mad dash to crumple her life into a coupla suitcases, forgets to pack camera charger

3] Lohlie's camera is quite fatigued and doesnt work

4] NO PICTURES FOR LOHLIE FOR BUZZNET

therefore... i haven't been very active on buzznet *at all*. but maybe i'll make some phone calls, see if i can wheedle someone's way into my [former] room and get me my phone charger back...bahahah

so yeah i've been out of my house for five weeks now! its just another sign of how fast time flies. things became so completely different in just a matter of weeks.

I was going to post another one of those fagassed "excepts from lohla's moleskine things" for march, april, even MAY now... but my choice of adjective right thur should tell you how i've been feeling about them lately xD i realized all i do when i write in that little moleskine o mine is describe, in VERY DRAMATIC DETAIL, all the shitty things that happen to me. but pretty much *only* the shitty things that happen to me...

and honestly? thats pretty frikkan emo. that's so damn oh five. so screw that! either my moleskine is gonna have to up the ante a lil and get exponentially more exciting or it wont get its five minutes on the net. nyeh nyeh. celeb status? i don't SHARE my celeb status with lil pink books!!!

lawlz.

anyway guys. constant state of evolution. its the new black. its the new everything, all the time. 

i cant fathom why people air their problems out like its the laundrey if they dont got the balls to confront anybody upfront. it cant be everybodys business if its just gonna be your business. i feel like i gotta rep myself once and ferall.

im not someone who gives up on people easily... i'm just not. i might get fed up, once in a while. in a particularly bad time, a LOT in a while. however. it takes a hell of a lot for me to completely cast some one out. that means when i cut someone out, its because they are causing me too much heartache, unnecessarily. heartache sometimes isnt even the case. sometimes, i just mean negativity. if you have a leechy aura, i can't let you suck the smile off my face. [that is the most disgusting imagery ive ever come up with. lmao.] anyway. pushing people in the right direction just doesnt work.. in the end, i just cant babysit you. what you do, the actions you choose, the decisions you make, the events in your life...they're you. theyre only ever a reflection of you. i cant make you reflect anything you dont try to reflect yourself.

that said, my decisions are my decisions too...i will do what im here to do and let you know what your options are. you can come with me, but only conditionally. if you choose not to - then guess what. YOU choose not to. i cant read your mind, and if i did, i'd fail miserably. so im not gonna even try. 

if you want something to happen to you, just make it happen yourself. if you DON'T want something to happen, put a little energy into preventing it from happening. if you dont, and you expect things to go the way you want them to anyway - even if you haven't said a WORD - i really cant help you.

i know you. i know that most likely you'll pretend i didnt say any of this. you will sit back. you will be passive. 

i'm not. 

this isnt my fault, & dont victimize yourself please. i am not the tough hardass villain you think...but i will be if i have to be. 

 

SORRY YOU ALL SAT THROUGH THAT. 

laugh, kookaburras, laugh ;D

xo loh